No Money: Extras
by xxxKei
Summary: This is a collection of stories of everyday craze for 'No Money'. Uncut scenes and funny drama. XD This is especially dedicated to Jonas.


**Chapter 1: Are you saying it's impossible for her to adore me?**

**Based off a kawaii scene from the OVA of 'Okane ga Nai', which inspired 'No Money'.**

**Disclaimer: The following is a copy of these scenes. I own nor Bleach nor Okane Ga Nai.**

Timeline: Between chapter 8 & 9 (see flashback at the beginning of Ch. 9)

Friday, the day before they left for Hokkaido to visit Byakuya, first day after Rukia settled in the house and got Chappy.

Ichigo was scowling as he held his cellphone to his ear. It had been four hours since he'd left Rukia in Renji's hands and he was worried sick already. He would need to get himself a Rukia plushie to hug, or he didn't know how he was going to get through office hours without her.

"Heya, Boss!" the pineapple's voice sounded muffled.

"Where the hell are you?" he frowned.

"We're eating pizza!" the redhead chirped and sounded as if he retrieved the phone from his ear momentarily. "HEY! WHERE'S MY KETCHUP?"

Ichigo twitched. "Give me Rukia. NOW."

"Okay… Hey, Boss wants to talk to you."

"What? No, I have nothing to say to him!" the girl's annoyed voice was audible.

"Ah, Boss…"

"Renji." grunted Ichigo. "Put me on speaker."

"You sure about-"

"NOW."

A beep was heard and Ichigo knew Rukia was listening. "Why aren't you picking up your phone, Bunny?"

"Huh? Shut up!" she scoffed. "I didn't take it with me and I wouldn't pick up anyway if you called me!"

"Don't make me implant a pet detection chip under your skin!" groaned Ichigo frustrated.

"You know what? I hope Chappy pees all over your bed!" she retorted, and Renji's suppressed giggle was audible.

"Shut up, Renji! And if that thing does anything like that, I'll turn him into bunny sushi!"

"I'm sure you and your Yakuza friends know all about it! Why the hell did you want to talk to me anyway?"

Ichigo turned slightly pink. "Because!"

"… you are a paranoid psycho?" she snorted.

"I just wanted to check if you've had your carrots!" And with that, Ichigo hung up, but immediately regretted it. He'd rather hear her voice reprimanding him, than not hearing it at all.

He was deciding upon what pretext to call Renji again, when he saw the intercom light beeping. He pressed on the button morosely.

"Yes, Isane?"

"Sir, Mr. Ayaseg-"

"Ooooooo, Boss!" Ayasegawa's cheery voice mused, causing Ichigo to rub his temples annoyed. "Can we come in? There's something REALLY important I need to show you!"

"No. Leave." he grunted, but it was too late. The man had already peeked his head in his office.

Ichigo blinked. "Did Madarame take you to the dog spa again?"

Yumichika had his hair pulled back in a pony tail, he'd removed his fake eyelashes, he was wearing square glasses and a purple scarf around his neck, even a fake pencil mustache.

"Nope. Yumi's on PMS now." snickered Madarame, who walked in behind his boyfriend.

Ichigo didn't know what was creepier; Ayasegawa's new look, or his very serious expression.

"Boss." he stated. "I am here to talk business." he said dramatically.

Ichigo looked at him as if he was crazy.

"I'm not just a man who sits home and stays pretty all day…" he cried. "I have a raging, raw talent in me." he clutched his heart. "And just recently I found the true artist I was hiding!"

Ichigo and Madarame sweat-dropped.

"Your story!" he cried. "Your love story with the young Kuchiki opened my eyes! And I could not help but be inspired and write a ground breaking scenario that will be played in theaters! Cinemas! TV! And will probably become an illustrated manga and anime!"

Sweat drop. Again.

"And where are you going to find the money to fund all that crap?" asked Ichigo. Next thing he knew, Ayasegawa was down on one knee before him, holding a small stack of papers to his boss. He took hold of them, looking down at the title 'The sweet love making of Ichigo and Rukia'.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. If you produce this, it is going to launch you to a whole new level of super stardom! And of course you and miss Rukia will star in it! Just visualize it! It's going to be a HUGE hit!" he cried and out of nowhere, produced a HUGE paper screen and a projector, then shut the lights and started playing the movie.

"It really is a great heart-warming story! Set in the Edo Period, Ichigo Kurosaki, the rich landlord who conquered the Kuchiki Shogunate, after he defeated Lord Byakuya!"

What the fuck?_ Ichigo appeared on the screen in Edo Era kimono, before a traditional manor!_

"Young Princess Kuchiki was left alone on the streets to fend for herself, against leecherous scums! She just wanted to free her brother, so she ran to the Lord's doorstep!"

_Rukia appeared in the rain, wearing a dirty torn kimono, crying and stumbling. She dropped to her knees at the gate of the grand manor and bowed before Ichigo, holding herself to the ground._

"And she offered to work for the Landlord to repay for her brother's freedom!"

_Ichigo bent down and took the crying girl's hands in his._

"But no, the Lord had other plans! He bought the princess as his mistress, in exchange for her brother's freedom!"

_Ichigo kissed a shocked Rukia passionately and held her in his arms, with sparkles and roses dancing around them._

"And so, their hearts had almost reached each other!"

"But… because the princess' betrothed came to ge ther… and tried to convince the princess to run away with him!"

_Shiba (SHIBA!) appeared in a black kimono at night, sitting on the wall that surrounded the manor, holding Rukia's hand from the ground._

_'Rukia, come with me! We can be free!'_

_'Kaien-dono…' she whispered sadly, but then Ichigo appeared behind her!_

_'RUKIA! NO!'_

_'My brother needs me!' she cried._

_'He exchanged you for his freedom!'_

_Dramatic music started to play._

_'Nooooo!' Rukia cried._

"And so their relationship changed drastically!"

_Sobby music was on._

_'Aaaaagh!' Ichigo was ripping Rukia's kimono and their shadows appeared on the rice paper screen as they had sex._

_Rukia appeared wearing Ichigo's robe, curled in the corner, with her leg bound by chains in a zashikirou*. She looked very, very molested._

"AND THE YOUNG KUCHIKI PRINCESS BECAME KUROSAKI SHOGUN'S FUCK TOY!" cried Ayasegawa in joy.

"What the fuck is heart-warming about that?" grunted Ichigo.

Yumichika clapped happily. "It really stirs up your heart AND your crotch, doesn't it, Boss?"

Ichigo looked at him bleakly. "And how the fuck are you planning on filming this…?"

"Lend me the money." Yumichika gave him the puppy dog eyes.

"No." Ichigo answered point-blank, causing him to fall to the ground with his eyes spinning. "That plot is ridiculous."

"Oooooh," cried Yumichika. "Why, Boss? Don't you like the idea of miss Rukia in a zashikirou? You yanking her obi and her kimono unravels…" he drooled.

Ichigo scoffed. "If I wanted to do that, I could do it anytime." Hmmm… not a bad idea…

"AHA!" squirmed the female man. "You'd prefer an unrealistic situation! OKAY!" Yumichika did a victory move. "If it means I'd get to film your tender love making with miss Rukia, I can live with any plot! Just give me the details! Tell me about your dream with your cute little Rukia!"

"My dream with Rukia…?" Ichigo blinked and rubbed his chin.

_Ichigo came home after another long day at work._

_'Welcome home!' Rukia's sweet voice sang as she ran to him and took his briefcase. 'How was your day, Ichigo?'_

_Insert sparkles and roses and bird singing. Rukia was smiling at him with sparkling eyes, wearing a cute violet dress and an apron. She looked so loving and cute._

_Ichigo smiled at her. 'Every day that I come home to you is a great day.'_

_Rukia tip-toed to him and kissed his lips. Insert more magical sparkles. 'Thank you for your hard work. I made us dinner. The kids are sleeping.'_

Ichigo came back to reality and majorly facepalmed himself. "Dammit, why am I imagining this as an 'unrealistic situation'?" He grunted.

"Ah, if we are talking about impossible situations, HOW ABOUT THIS?" Yumichika pulled out the paper screen again and started the projection.

_The sky appeared to be spinning, and suddenly a HUGE Chappy the Rabbit dropped to the ground out of nowhere with stars shining in his creepy eyes. Then his mouth dropped open and a mechanical platform slid out as if it was a peculiar spaceship._

_Crazy parade music started playing._

_'Ichi-GO! Ichi-GO! Ichi-GO!' one after another, little Rukia chibies started marching out of it, smiling and yelling happily, like chibi robots._

_'Ichi-GO! Ichi-GO! Ichi-GO!'_

_Thousands started to accumulate in rows!_

"And to make it even more impossible…" chirped Yumichika. "All these Ruki-chan's…"

_The army of chibies looked up in awe, with sparkling stars shining in their eyes. 'Aaaaaa!' they squealed in admiration._

"… completely adore Kurosaki-sama!"

_A HUGE giant Ichigo stood before them, like a skyscraper to an ant. And on top, that giant Ichigo looked down with a gleam in his eye!_

_'Aaaaaa!' the little chibi Rukias squealed happily and circled him, then climbed on top of giant Ichigo, hanging from his arms, his legs, his clothes and his hair, looking adoringly at him._

_'Ahahahaha!' giant Ichigo laughed happily as the chibi Rukias smothered him._

_'Ichi-GO! Ichi-GO! Ichi-GO!'_

POWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWW!

And Ayasegawa became one with the floor, with a perfect imprint of Ichigo's fist on his cheek.

"Are you saying it's impossible for her to adore me?" he grunted angrily, shaking his hand.

Later that day, back home, Ichigo kept looking at Rukia curiously over their dinner. She didn't want to sit with him at all, so Ichigo had seen that he'd take Chappy with him and hold his knife dangerously close to him.

Rukia kept glaring at him and eating scornfully.

"Rukia…" started Ichigo sourly.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Let's say someone wanted to turn our fantasy lives into film. How would it be?"

The girl blinked and rubbed her chin. Her fantasy about them in film?

_Byakuya came home after another long day at work._

_'Welcome home!' Rukia's sweet voice sang as she ran to him and took his briefcase. 'How was your day, nii-sama?'_

_Insert sparkles and roses and bird singing. Rukia was smiling at him with sparkling eyes, wearing a cute violet dress and an apron. She looked so loving and cute._

_Byakuya smiled at her. 'Every day that I come home to you is a great day.'_

_Rukia tip-toed to him and kissed his cheek. Insert more magical sparkles. 'Thank you for your hard work. I made us dinner. The bunnies are sleeping. Except for Ichigo. He's very wild. We need to neuter him.'_

CLANK CLANK CLANK CLANK!

Tableware flew everywhere and a huge, dark aura emanated from Ichigo's body. "In your fantasy I am the bunny that you'll castrate?"

* * *

***zashikirou=Edo era room for confining criminals**

**~Neko-chan, the Notorious**


End file.
